How To Make a Guy Fall In Love With You
Locking eyes with a someone doesn't just tell them you're interested, it can even make them feel like they're falling in love with you, apparently. Why? Because it's the behaviour of loved-up couples.
A study by Zick Rubin, former associate professor at Harvard University, found lovers spent 75% of their time looking at each other; other people spent around 30-60% of their time doing the same. By encouraging someone to gaze into your eyes by maintaining eye contact with them, you can lead their brain towards the idea of love. "The last time they stared into someone's eyes for long periods of time, they were in love," says sexpert Dr Pam Spurr."So in theory, that could trigger their brain to recall feelings of love again."
Focus on the ways you're similar
There's no need to start shaving your chin or scratching between your legs, but focusing on the ways in which you're alike can help create a mutual attraction. "We may not realise it, but we have a natural tendency to go for people who not only have similar interests and backgrounds to us, but also use similar facial expressions," says Spurr.
Researchers at the University of Liverpool found that we're more likely to go for people who look similar to us because we perceive certain facial attributes as clues to personality. Laughter lines, frown lines, wide smiles, restrained expressions are all indications of what a person is like - sociable, friendly, shy, emotional - so we seek out people who look as though they'd be compatible with us.
Don't go too far
The reason for this one is pretty obvious: they'll know, you'll know and it doesn't bode well for the future. "Adapting your behaviour slightly is one thing, but faking aspects of your personality or pretending you're really into golf, when in fact it bores you brainless, will just lead to trouble," says sex therapist Dr Ian Kerner."Sometimes, however, you might find yourself enjoying things you didn't before simply because you hadn't tried them and that's fine. So feel free to try the things they do, but if it doesn't feel like a good fit, drop it. Instead, encourage them to try doing the things you enjoy and see how that works."
Hang around... a lot
This sounds counterintuitive but it's not. Familiarity doesn't breed contempt (unless they don't like you in the first place, in which case you're kind of doomed, sorry). In fact, the more time you spend together, the more they'll like you. "Advertising works in part because it repeatedly exposes you to a particularly product," says Kerner. "It's the same with people - the more time you spend together, taking for granted that there's some mutual attraction to begin with, the more you'll grow to like each other."
Then disappear (a bit)
Okay, not off the face off the earth, but just enough to remind them how much they love spending time with you. "New couples often go through a stage where they're living in each other's pockets," says Spurr. "Then there might come a period where the excited feelings level out. Before that happens, take a step back and be a little less available." Spend more time with your friends, see your family, work late a few nights. "This isn't about game playing but it'll give you a greater sense of control of your own emotions, and help to heighten theirs."
Ask for their help
We all like to feel needed. The reason is simple: if someone needs to ask your advice, needs you to help them shift a bed, needs you to make them feel better, helping them makes you feel good about yourself. Feeling needed can also make someone insecure feel safe.
Be confident too
Yes, humans like to feel needed. No, they don't want to feel as though you might collapse into a boneless snivelling heap if they're not around. "A woman who knows what she likes and makes every effort to get it is very attractive," says Kerner. "In fact, when a woman like that needs someone it makes them feel all the more valuable - because it's as though she needs them specifically, rather than just any old person."
"When people seem to be enjoying our entertaining banter, it makes us feel confident," says Kerner. "And that, in turn, makes us feel good, sexy even. If, each time you see someone you fancy, you leave them feeling great about themselves, they'll begin to associate that feeling with you.
Be a good friend
This one should be a no-brainer but for some reason it often gets ignored. "Playing hard to get, teasing someone, acting fragile are all ways you can try and 'trick' someone into a kind of love," says Spurr. "But the fact is that if you want someone to care about you deeply, friendship is the key. When they're with you, they need to feel safe - game playing might help hook a someone in the first place, but it gets extremely tiring." Being supportive, listening to them, making them laugh, helping them feel good about themselves and life in general - these are the things that make someone really value you.
Feed them (not literally, unless you want to)
The way to a anyone's heart is through their stomach. It's such a cliché, but also true. "This is a sure-fire way to make anyone feel loved," says Spurr. "It's about being taken care of, partly, but it's also because being hungry for food is such a basic primal thing. If someone brings you a freshly prepared platter of delights is it any wonder we love them more?" According to an informal poll over at Men's Health, a steak sandwich or baguette with fried onion or mushroom toppings would be most appreciated... along with an ice cold beer, of course.
Love is a two-way thing. You can't expect them to love you if you don't really love them in the first place. What does that mean? "Sometimes we want someone to fall in love with us because we need to feel wanted, but in reality, we're not actually in love with the person ourselves," says Spurr. "Ask yourself how you feel about this one. Do you accept them for who they are? Value them and the fact they're in your life? Do you appreciate all that they do for you? If not, you may just be wishing to be loved without being willing to love yourself. But the two go hand in hand."
This is both the first and the last step in getting a guy to fall for you. Because if you don't truly love yourself, he will find it difficult to fall in love with you. Think of yourself as the number one prize - because to the right person that's exactly what you are. To get to feel that good about yourself you need to learn to appreciate all the good things you have to offer. And by that we don't mean your pert derriere, your come-to-bed eyes or any other thing you can see in the mirror. It's also not about the new and expensive things in your wardrobe, your skills at work or the fact you've got better dancefloor moves than anyone in Strictly, it's about loving who you are as a person. "Knowing yourself, knowing that you're sociable, witty, kind, insightful, cool under pressure, empathetic, whatever, is the first step in loving yourself," says Kerner. "Then let him see your best attributes as often as you can." Put yourself in situations where you can shine and he'll soon see the light.
This is both the first and the last step, really. Because if you don't truly love yourself, they will find it difficult to fall in love with you. Think of yourself as the number one prize - because to the right person that's exactly what you are. To get to feel that good about yourself you need to learn to appreciate all the good things you have to offer. And by that we don't mean your pert derriere or any other thing you can see in the mirror. It's also not about the new and expensive things in your wardrobe, your skills at work, it's about loving who you are as a person.
"Knowing yourself, knowing that you're sociable, witty, kind, insightful, cool under pressure, empathetic, whatever, is the first step in loving yourself," says Kerner. "Then let them see your best attributes as often as you can." Put yourself in situations where you can shine.