Joanie Faletto
Curiosity
Remember that time you reacted explosively to your coworker's incessant whistling while you were trying to work? And how awkward it was the day after you accidentally lost your cool on him? It doesn't have to be that way. There are three easy questions you can ask yourself in your head to avoid saying or doing something you're bound to regret later.
Questions, Anyone?
Everyone gets irritated from time to time - you can't help that. The way you respond to that irritation is something you can have complete control over. An article from Inc. points to a perhaps unlikely source for a tip in managing your emotions before you accidentally go off on someone: comedian Craig Ferguson. During a stand-up special in 2011 (there is some explicit language in the linked YouTube video), Ferguson offered his communication advice as part of a larger bit. But the advice he offers holds legitimate weight as practical advice.
According to Ferguson, there are three quick questions you should ask yourself in your head before you accidentally say something you'll later end up regretting:
Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me?
Does this need to be said by me, now?
Different Kind of Selfie
These three questions are basically an exercise of self-reflection, which is careful thought about your own behavior and beliefs. It's a practice that has shown to be beneficial in psychology research. In a 2014 study, employees who spent 15 minutes at the end of the day reflecting on lessons learned performed 23 percent better after 10 days than those who didn't self-reflect. A Harvard study that looked at commuters found similar positive results: those who were told to use their commute to think about and plan for their day were happier, more productive, and less burned out than those who didn't self-reflect on their way to work.
Ferguson's three questions may not necessarily be your three questions, and self-reflection is the key to identifying which questions can calm you down in the heat of the moment. If getting too heated isn't your issue in reactionary speaking, self-reflection can help you get to know your habits and tendencies. Once you build up this self-awareness, you can come up with custom questions you can ask yourself to balance your emotions.