13 Questions You Have to Ask Your Partner Before Getting Engaged
Valentine's Day is coming up and, if you celebrate it, it's a time when a lot of questions are asked among couples.
"Would you rather just do a day trip and not make a big showy deal of it this year?", for example. Or, in some extreme cases, "Why have you proposed to me with a pizza?"
Many couples would probably rather celebrate each other all year round - there's nothing more cringe-worthy than forced fun, such as only going out once a year to an expensive dinner, and being jammed in with 50 other couples doing the exact same thing.
However, if you do want to pop the biggest question, Valentine's Day can be as good a time as any, we guess.
There's probably a few things you should know about each other prior to that point - as psychologists and reddit users both attest to.
Here's a few questions you should have asked before the big one.
1. The most obvious one: "Do you want kids?"
2. "What differences do I love now, but may find grating in five years?"
It could be little habits or ingrained prejudices that you're uncomfortable with. Either way, you need to confront how you feel about them.
Writing in Psychology Today, Andrea Bonior PHD said:
"From different spending styles to different social lives to vastly different sleep schedules, careers, or hobbies, the idea of someone being opposite from us is sometimes particularly attractive in its novelty and exoticism. And indeed, it's a good thing when we can be exposed to a perspective far different than our own.
"But eventually, our own habits may remain what we're most comfortable with - and if our partner's style continues to be quite different, what used to be enticing may turn downright annoying."
3. The Holidays are a banana skin: "What are your in-laws like?"
4. "Are our sexual desires compatible?"
If you're at this point in asking, you're probably in the same ballpark.
But if there are questions you want answered or things you want to experience that your partner does not want to be a part of, you may need to address it.
'Til death is a long time to be frustrated or unfulfilled.
5. Full disclosure of any debt: "Is there any money you owe people?"
6. "Do we have philosophical or religious differences?"
A different religion doesn't necessarily mean different values or ingrained beliefs.
However, your moral values need to be well-known and explored by the time you ask them to wed you. You don't want to realise your fundamental beliefs are incompatible and often at odds.
7. Nightlife expectations: "Night out or night in?"
"Do you want someone to go out with or someone to come home to?"
8. "Do you want a big wedding?"
"Can you afford it? Are you all about a huge ceremony in a large venue? Do you need florists and a cake and all the usual sideshows?"
"Who is paying for it? Do you need a while to save up?"
It's the first hurdle for a reason and will say a lot about your attitude to finances and performativity for others.
9. Ageing sexpectations: "Will you still want to have sex with me when we're old and wrinkly?"
10. "Are you a cat or a dog person? Or none?"
If one of you is a dog person and the other is a cat person, it's only a small hurdle.
But if you have allergies the hurdle gets higher - even more so if you find the concept of pets annoying or resent the extra cost and time spent.
11. "How clean is your house?"
"What level of cleanliness and tidiness do you prefer in your home?"
Then if their standard is lower than yours: "Will you up your game?"
If the answer to this question is no, then you need to ask yourself if you're content cleaning up after your partner for the rest of your life.
12. On what infidelity is, and the repercussions: "What's cheating?"
"What is your stance on infidelity, and what do you consider infidelity?"
Some people think cheating is full-on sex. Some people think cheating is kissing. Some people believe getting too close to someone else is cheating, even if it's family.
There are those who believe looking at pornography or going to strip clubs is cheating. Bottom line is, everyone has different limits. Establish the boundaries, before getting into a marriage.
13. "Will you marry me?"
You have to gather the resolve and the faith that it's the right decision for both of you - and don't leave it too late.